were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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