Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
