I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
