dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
