Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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