I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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