The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
