People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
