you traded sex for a burrito?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
