can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
