If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Quick, to the slutcave!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
