if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
