If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
