oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
