No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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