my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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