She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize