Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
