Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
