so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
