I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
