we're chasing vodka with high fives
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
