I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
