went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You're like the curious george of whores
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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