she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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