i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
