Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
