So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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