Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
