he wants to bone in the snuggie
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
