i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
