Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
