he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
