I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
