just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
