She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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