the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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