Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
