More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
