no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
