Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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