textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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