I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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