Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
