3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
