I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
