Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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