You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
