There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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