I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
