I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
