I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
