I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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