I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
