I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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