Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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