I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
