When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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