Pants 0. Shit 1.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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