Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize