I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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