Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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