my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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