your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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