So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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