I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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