Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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