I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
