i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
