if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
