I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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