Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
