Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
