youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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