i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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