i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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