Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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