please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
