I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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