I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's never too late to be topless.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
